THE VALUE OF "QUARRELS" IF YOU LOVE YOUR FRIEND OR WIFE, YOU WILL QUARREL IN ORDER TO BECOME BETTER FRIENDS! You don’t know him or her until there is a quarrel. A quarrel tests character. Knowledge grows from disagreement. Love is a deeper knowledge of your partner. It is not just the romantic feeling, it is the feeling of tolerance, the feeling of acceptance and understanding. A quarrel reveals weakness. It displays maturity. A quarrel creates a platform for the woman to submit and the man to show love. Don’t run away from confrontation. A confrontation will give you revelation. To walk away or to continue becomes clearer. However, too much quarrel that ends with physical abuse is a danger sign. A quarrel creates room for patience. And patience is a virtue that can sustain a relationship. Any relationship. An engaged couple came for counseling. They were preparing for marriage. The Pastor asked, “How are things going?” “Great”, they said enthusiastically. “Really?” the pastor asked. “Yes”, the couple chorused. “Have you had any quarrel? Any disagreement?” The woman responded, “No o. It has been wonderful all the way”. And both stared at each other with a smile. The pastor nodded his head. “No, that is not good at all. I can’t wed you both” “Why?” the lady asked. “Go and have a quarrel! Disagree on something. Hurt yourself and see how much you can forgive yourselves. See how you can disagree to agree. Your courtship is too good to be true”. The fight is important. It test your compatibility. But you must fight fair. I am not talking about throwing insults at each other or physical combat. I am talking about disagreements, even among friends. Marriage is not for two perfect people. It is for two imperfect people who seek to make their marriage perfect. They work hard to make sure that they are together. They have a deep understanding for each other because they realize that they are both fragile, human. And so they look up to God. The test of your compatibility is after the quarrel. It is your capacity to forgive each other that determines how compatible you both are. Strong marriages are built on forgiveness. Same goes for great friends. The Press once asked Bill Graham’s wife , Ruth Graham , how she had been able to stay with her husband for 60 years. She gave a smile and said, “I have learnt to forgive Bill” . You see, there will be many offenses in your marriage. Does forgiveness for him/her come easily, naturally? Please hear me. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is something we must do. I understand that. Forgiveness is a product of faith acting without feelings. However, when it comes to compatibility and marriage, your love for him/her should be strong enough to make forgiveness easier. Quarrel is an important test in compatibility.